Things to Say that Help
Sometimes in life, and in terribly shitty situations, the best words are “I’m at a loss for words.” At times, there are no words to adequately soothe a trauma, upset, disruption, or loss. The hard truth is that sometimes we just don’t know what to say. And that is ok. Fumbling your words of care and concern is okay; It’s better to say something imperfectly than succumb to silence. I often say, even when you say nothing, you’re saying something. If you’re the stay silent type, you might be broadcasting an inaccurate “I don’t care” message. Someone who is hurting needs and wants to feel seen, heard, and understood. That is a basic human need. When it comes to comforting a grieving friend, it’s always best to acknowledge their pain, even though you might not deliver your message perfectly.
Just this morning, a very thoughtful gift giver was debating whether to send her friend a Biscuit & Bertie Comfort Box or not, but she lamented that she couldn’t figure out what to say on the card. This post is inspired by her conundrum, and I hope it offers ideas and options of what to write to someone who has lost a pet.
What to Say When you Don’t Know What to Say
If you too are at a loss for the right words to help someone through the pain of losing a beloved pet, here are a handful of ideas that I offer to you. You can use one of these as a starting point, use it word for word, or mash up sentences from several of the messages. What matters most when a loved one is grieving the loss of a pet is showing up for them, authentically. Adjust any of the ideas below to fit your personality and the nature of your relationship with the grieving person.
Ideas for what to say:
“When there are no words to fully describe this tragic loss, please know that you are nestled into my heart with comfort and care. I am here for you and will continue to check in on you. For right now, please know that I am thinking of you. I am profoundly sad for your loss, and I love you.”
“The love that you and [pet’s name] shared was beyond epic. You two were soul mates and your unconditional love will reign eternal. Even though [pet’s name] isn’t with you in physical form any longer, I hope you find ways to envelop yourself in her love and light. She would want that most for you. I too am sending you so much love. I am here for you, now & always.”
“I am deeply sorry for the excruciating heart ache for the loss of your sweet [pet’s name]. It’s just not fair. [Pet’s name] meant so much to you, and to all of us. I often think of him [memory of the pet] and it makes me cry. I hope that someday we can remember him with smiles instead of tears. Until then, I am here for you with tissues in hand.”
“When there are no words, and an abundance of tears, pain, heartache, and questions, please take solace knowing that you have friends who care for you deeply. We will be here to support you and hold you up when you feel like crumbling in the immense grief. You are not alone; we mourn the loss of [pet’s name] with you. When you feel ready, we will celebrate her glorious life and honor her lasting impact on all of us. We love you so much.”
“This a deeply sad time; please know that I am here to support you in any way you want. The burden of heartbreak is significant, but you don’t need to carry it all by yourself. I am here to help you through this difficult time. Please be gentle and patient with yourself and know that I am sending you so much love and understanding as you navigate this journey ahead.”
Sending a Message from Beyond
You’ll know if this feels right for your situation if you trust your gut. A few times, I have sent flowers to a friend grieving a loss, from the pet who passed away. This is usually best in the case of very close friendships.
An example message, to accompany flowers or a Biscuit & Bertie Comfort Box, is:
“For the best mommy ever,
You gave me the best life! Every minute we had together was my favorite. I loved sitting on your lap while you read. Waiting for you to come home so I could excitedly jump on you was the best. And licking your lip gloss off your lips was the best little treat. Thank you for taking such good care of me for all my life. I love you, furever & always.
Love, Pickles”
Again, sending a gift or a message from the departed furry companion will depend on the depths of your relationship with the bereaved. In the right situations, this gesture is a soothing balm for a hurting heart.
Guidelines for Crafting a Gift Message
So, what to write to someone who has lost a pet – so that it feels personal? Putting together a gift message that feels like a warm, soothing hug isn’t hard. In addition to the ideas above, below, I have outlined a very simple, easy to follow structure to help you if you feel stuck. Try to keep it simple; grieving people often feel overwhelmed or numb. Sometimes short and sweet is exactly what is needed in these instances. If you want to say more, consider sending multiple cards or gifts with some time in between. Often, the two weeks after a loss are very difficult as a grieving person can feel like everyone else has moved on without them. One of the most loving things you can do in these situations is continuing to show support throughout the grieving journey, not just at the initial loss.
Here is a simple outline to follow when you craft a message of your own.
Simple Gift Message Structure:
- Greeting
- Acknowledge their loss
- Let them know they can count on you
- Closing wish or hope
It is my hope that you find your way to the right words with the help of these ideas.
All my love,
Annie Ballantine
