A few weeks ago was the first of a special two-part series, Founder to Founder, featuring one of the co-founders of CodaPet, an in-home euthanasia provider. Today, we get to sit down with Dr. Bethany Hsia, another co-founder of CodaPet, for her perspectives on life, love, and loss of our furry family members. I hope you enjoy a glimpse into our conversation.
Annie: Hi, Dr. Hsia! Thank you so much for taking the time to talk today. I am eager to hear more about your journey in veterinary medicine, and what led you to co-found CodaPet.
Let’s start at the beginning. Anyone in veterinary medicine clearly loves animals. When did you first fall in love with animals and when did you decide that you wanted to be a veterinarian?
Dr. Hsia: Oh this is such a fun question because I was not the person who just always knew this is what they wanted when they grew up. I actually envied people who had always known they wanted to do this or be that.
So, my love for animals started very young. I grew up with labradors and still have a soft spot for any and all black labs. I always had an interest in whatever animals I saw around me and wanted to be friends with them; show them love and make them comfortable around me. I guess I should have known I was destined to be a vet. But it wasn’t until my sophomore year of college that things started to fall into place. I was approaching the time that I needed to declare a major and was asking all the adults in my life “how did you end up doing what you’re doing?” A number of folks fell into the camp of having known all their lives what they wanted to be and some others followed a meandering path taking this or that opportunity which led to the next thing and the next thing… Neither of which provided any help for me! But someone told me “find what you love to do and someone who will pay you to do it.” So I asked myself “what do I love doing?” The first thing that popped into my head was “I love spending time with my dog” but that was not really a viable career path, so I pushed that thought out and kept pondering. Several months later I was thinking and praying over the same question and a simple thought popped into my head “be a vet.” Again I kinda pushed it aside thinking “that’s one of those jobs elementary kids say they want at a career fair.” But the more I thought about it the more I realized that it is a real viable career and so I began working as a vet assistant with the goal of either proving it isn’t the field for me or finding my place. And here I am!
Annie: For me, as a child, animals felt like my safe place. They provided me with so much comfort, constant companionship, and unconditional love. I once rescued orphaned kittens that I found out in the woods behind my parent’s house. I successfully hid them under my bed for a day, caring for and feeding them. When my mom came into my bedroom and heard a little squeak and found me with a swollen eye (I was allergic to cats as a kid), that was the end of my great kitten adventure! She found a suitable foster situation for the kittens until they could be adopted. As a kid I had many birds, and then eventually a wonderful dog, Minnie, who was truly a soul dog for me. Animals were such an important part of my childhood. Today, they are just as important to my well-being as an adult.
Would you share about an animal, or one of your own pets, that had a profound impact on you?
Dr. Hsia: Oh my gosh I can totally relate to this. I would have 100% been your accomplice if we knew each other as kids.
So, the dog I mentioned before was the first animal I bonded with. Her name was Pepper and she belonged to a little old woman that lived across the street from us in elementary school. But she was a rambunctious juvenile lab and the lady couldn’t keep Pepper from jumping on her. I don’t know if my folks offered to help or if the lady sought us out since my brother and I were young and had the same energy as the dog. Either way she became a big part of my life and was a constant across changing schools, moving out of state, and entering college. And she was the one I thought of when deciding what to do with my life.
Annie: So many people consider their dog or cat to be part of the family. I refer to my dog and three cats as my four-legged children, and I mean it. They are my babies, and they are members of my family. I think this has become a common experience, in many families. And yet, when a furry family member passes away, the support offered from friends and family can be very different from when a human passes away. Personally, I felt completely misunderstood when my cat Bertie died suddenly in 2020. Bertie was a part of my heart, an important part of the fabric of my family, yet the people in my life didn’t know how to support me through the grief after his death.
Why do you think people treat pet loss so differently from other significant losses?
Dr. Hsia: I wish I could put a finger on it. The best I can do is offer some educated guesses. First, not everyone has had that profound experience. It is true that it is more and more common but I think there are still folks who maybe haven’t allowed an animal into their hearts in quite the same way. My other guess might get me into a bit of trouble for actually saying… but not every pet occupies the same place in our hearts. Don’t get me wrong, I love all my animals but some of them have just occupied a uniquely special place. Like a “heart dog” or “soul dog” like your Minnie. So when we lose someone like that people might not realize the full impact it has on our lives.
Annie: The loss of a pet is extremely difficult, regardless of the circumstances. I have lost pets suddenly and unexpectedly, and I have had to make the almost impossible decision to euthanize pets who were suffering. I remember when my husband and I had to make the excruciating decision to euthanize our dog Desi who was 16 years old and was really suffering. Our at-home veterinarian said to me “it’s far better to make the decision one day early, than a minute too late”. In that difficult moment, her words helped me know that we were making the right decision for Desi, even though it was breaking our hearts.
“It’s far better to make the decision one day early, than a minute too late.”
What do you tell pet parents who are facing an end-of-life decision and find it almost impossible to decide what to do?
Dr. Hsia: Yea, it is so hard and uniquely so because we hold that responsibility for determining how and when we say goodbye to our pets. First, I will agree with your vet that I would prefer for my pet’s last day to be a good one. I don’t want to wait until my hand is forced and now we are in a rescue operation to put a stop to the active dying process. I would much rather be able to calmly sit with my friend as they enjoy some forbidden snacks like chocolate cake before the last goodbye. But I totally understand the tension of not wanting to say goodbye “too soon.” I think what helps me process this with my own animals is knowing their experience of life is different from mine. As far as we know, they experience life in the moment. They aren’t thinking “today was a bad day, but hopefully tomorrow will be better.” Their current situation takes up so much more of their consciousness and if that situation is “I’m anxious” or “I hurt” and we can’t alleviate these ongoing feelings then I think releasing them is the best gift we can give them.
Annie: My journey through grief after the loss of my Bertie was tumultuous and long. I felt like I was on a road trip, without a specific destination, no supplies, and a low tank of gas. It’s honestly a wonder that I made it through. I remember when I left the emergency veterinary clinic, where Bertie had to be euthanized, I was handed a brochure on pet loss. I’m paraphrasing, but it basically said “this is going to suck…good luck”. Okay, it did have a little more information than that, but it honestly wasn’t very helpful at all. I was well aware of how hard the situation was; I was bawling my eyes out and had Bertie’s fur all over my sweater, noticing it was the last physical trace of my baby. After I found my way through that devastating experience of loss, I vowed to create something that would have helped me in that moment. That’s why I created the Biscuit & Bertie Comfort Box, that gently supports and guides people through those very dark days after the death of a furry family member.
Thinking back to a time when you lost a beloved pet, can you share how you found your way through the muck of grief? What helped you through that difficult time?
Dr. Hsia: Oh what a beautiful legacy for Bertie. I’m sorry you went through that awful “roadtrip” but I can’t think of a better way to show what Bertie means to you than taking that pain and channeling it into something important. There’s your destination!
So I guess for me it is similar to you and your story. Building a way for other families to be able to experience the kind of goodbye at home that I was able to create for my heart dog, Serengeti, has given me something productive to do; an outlet for the pet grief that honors the bond I had with her.
And I have seen lots of pet parents doing similar things with their pain from creating companies or rescue groups to a young boy with a lemonade stand raising money for the place he adopted his departed dog from. It was the best lemonade I ever had! But seriously, I think when we put our hands and feet to our pain we can slowly work through it while making the world a little better in the process. And meeting other folks who share our experiences!
Annie: Our pets offer us so many wonderful gifts: companionship, unconditional love, soothing comfort, and boundless joy. No one loves us in the uncomplicated and pure way our pets do.
What gift can we give to our furry family members as we face difficult end-of-life decisions?
Dr. Hsia: The biggest gift is to try and see life from their perspective as much as we can. If we were in their paws what would we be experiencing? Are we asking them to be here just because we need them? If we find that the scales have shifted to that place where we are asking more of them than we are giving, then I think letting them go is a precious gift. Not an easy one to give, but a gift nonetheless.
Annie: Dr. Hsia, thank you so much for taking the time to share part of your story with me today. I am eager to share your insights with our Biscuit & Bertie family.
Dr. Hsia: Thank you! I appreciate your thoughtful questions and taking the time to tackle such a difficult but important part of inviting animals into our lives.
To learn more about CodaPet, please visit: www.CodaPet.com
