Happy Easter to those who celebrate. For many, the focus of Easter is resurrection, and this got me thinking about grief and how a wave of it can hit you at any moment, even when you think you’re “over it.” Holidays seem to be especially vulnerable to these surges, making coping with pet loss on holidays a particularly challenging experience for many.
The fact is, grief isn’t something to get over, it’s not something that disappears with the passing of time, it is something that you adapt to, you learn to live with it. The goal in healing work is to arrive at a place of acceptance of the loss you’ve endured, and adopting a willingness to ride the waves of enduring emotion as they show up. Grieving is done in the present moment, whether the present moment is in your car, or standing in the lobby of a hotel. When grief resurfaces, it can be surprising, but it doesn’t have to stop you in your tracks.
Here are 8 ways to manage grief, and associated emotions or feelings, when they take you by surprise:
- Let yourself cry, if you feel you need or want to. If you need some help crying, turn on your favorite sad song (My Heart Will Go On?) and let your tears flow without judgement.
- Drink a glass of water. This might sound unhelpful but when you drink a glass of water, you are helping to bring your parasympathetic nervous system online with its “rest and digest” qualities. This can have a calming effect on your body if your sympathetic nervous system was activating a “fight or flight” response to the perceived stress of grief.
- Go for a walk in nature. Leave your phone and air pods at home and go for a walk so you can listen to birds singing. Bird song has a calming effect on the human brain. This is because birds only sing when they feel safe and there is no danger. When we hear bird song, our brains take it as a sign that we too are safe.
- Call a trusted friend. In a recent social media post by Simon Sinek, he explained that if someone is having a rough time in life, an 8-minute phone call with a trusted friend can be the turning point needed to recenter their brain to a state of wellbeing. This is true for someone who is struggling with grief. Reach out, call a good friend, and let them know you want to talk for 8 minutes.
- Don’t keep it all inside. If you’re feeling overwhelming sadness, try taking to a journal and write down how you’re feeling. Let the words flow. Let the tears flow.
- Incorporate your beloved pet into special holidays and get-togethers through intentional rituals. You could set a place for them at the table or light a candle in their honor. Share a special memory of them or invite others to share photos or meaningful memories of your furry family member. For many, the pain of loss can feel particularly acute during celebratory times. Finding healthy ways of coping with pet loss on holidays can make these occasions a little easier to navigate.
- Say their name. It sounds simple, but after the death of a pet, oftentimes people stop talking about the pet, but talking about them is how you keep them alive within yourself. Keep talking about them, sharing memories, and saying their name aloud – even if it’s just to yourself.
- Give yourself permission to feel and to heal. Permission is key to healing. You cannot heal what you refuse to feel or acknowledge. So do yourself a favor, show yourself some compassion and understanding. This latest wave of grief doesn’t mean you’re back at the beginning. It means your love still lives on. Be patient with yourself and know that after a wave, is calm.
My hope is that this list of ideas will provide your spirit with a metaphorical ring buoy to withstand any surprising waves of grief that might come your way, especially when you are coping with pet loss on holidays and other special days.
With comfort & care-
Annie Ballantine
