You’re a thoughtful, empathetic, and caring friend who wants to support a loved one as they grieve the loss of a dog or cat. That’s great, because most people who go through the death of a furry family member report feeling misunderstood and alone. Disenfranchised grief is grief that is not taken seriously by society. Pet loss grief falls into this category, and the isolation felt by many makes the grieving process so much harder. Grieving is already difficult and uncomfortable; it doesn’t need to be made more so due to lack of support or understanding. One of the best ways to combat this is by comforting a friend after pet loss in a genuine way.
As the founder of Biscuit & Bertie and creator of the Comfort Box, I am striving every day to change the way we show up for people who are grieving the death of a pet. I know firsthand how difficult pet loss is, and how much it hurts when you feel unsupported through the journey.
If you are supporting someone you love through the pain of pet loss, here are five myths that will help guide you to showing up in a way that is helpful and productive.
Myth 1: Losing a pet doesn’t hurt as much as losing a person.
Reality: It doesn’t matter if an important relationship was with a human, or an animal. The loss can hurt the same. If you would offer support to a friend when their family member dies, you should do the same when a furry family member dies.
Myth 2: Pet loss grief isn’t that serious, and it doesn’t last very long; people get over it.
Reality: No one “gets over” a significant loss. To truly grieve and begin to heal, a person must go through their unique grieving process, experience their emotions, and allow space for healing to take place.
Myth 3: A pet memorial gift will help my friend grieve.
Reality: Most people think of a pet memorial gift is the same thing as a pet sympathy gift. They are not the same. Memorializing a pet is a part of the grieving process and it is deeply personal. Unless you ask explicit permission, it’s best to allow the bereaved person to choose how they memorialize their beloved soul animal. This understanding is important for comforting a friend after pet loss. If you want to offer a sympathy gift, send them a Biscuit & Bertie Comfort Box; they’ll feel how much you care.
Myth 4: Nothing helps when a pet dies, so there’s nothing I can do.
Reality: Offering grief support is a lot like throwing some loose change in a cup. It doesn’t seem like much in the moment you offer it up, but there is a cumulative effect and, in the end, it’s all those little acts of support put together that help people heal from the heartbreak of pet loss. Moral of the story: do something! Even if you don’t feel like you’re helping in the moment, it will and does help.
Myth 5: Getting another pet will help them.
Reality: I cringe anytime I hear someone say something crass, like “we got a spare dog because Bingo is getting old”. No, no, no! Each animal is a unique individual, just like us humans. You can’t just replace a special companion like you’re reordering toothpaste from Amazon. Rushing to “replace” a pet is a grief bypass and in the long run it will only stunt healing. You can reassure a friend that their loss is real and legitimate, and they can take as long as they need before even considering loving another animal companion.
Understanding these common myths about pet loss grief will help inform your decisions of how you support someone you love as they navigate the grieving process that follows the death of a dog or cat. Truly comforting a friend after pet loss means validating their pain and allowing space for their unique healing journey. Genuine support, understanding, and permission to grieve are some of the best gifts you can offer a friend.
Here for you,
Annie Ballantine
